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'LAUGH TIME' : Why did the chicken cross the road?

Here is an adapted version of the chicken joke for your entertainment. Enjoy!

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RONALD FISHER: Why does it have to be a chicken? Why not a frog, turkey, or pig? We randomly try to a have chicken, frog, turkey and pig cross the road 10 times each. We then compare the mean number of times each animal crossed the road to determine if there's a difference in means.

SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he's a maverick!

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for change! The chicken wanted change!

JOHN McCAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

TONY BLAIR:
I agree with George.

DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?

COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a NEW CAR so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2010, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2010. This new platform is much more stable and will never reboot.

AUGUST MOBIUS: To get to the same side.

ISAAC NEWTON: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest. Chickens in motion tend to cross the road.

WERNER HEISENBERG: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.

JERRY SEINFELD: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing walking all over the place anyway?"

AL GORE: I will fight for the chickens and I will not disappoint them. Did I mention that I invented roads?

KEN STARR: I intend to prove that the chicken crossed the road at the behest of the president of the United States of America in an effort to distract law enforcement officials and the American public from the criminal wrongdoing our highest elected official has been trying to cover up. As a result, the chicken is just another pawn in the president's ongoing and elaborate scheme to obstruct justice and undermine the rule of law. For that reason, my staff intends to offer the chicken unconditional immunity provided he cooperates fully with our investigation. Furthermore, the chicken will not be permitted to reach the other side of the road until our investigation and any Congressional follow-up investigations have been completed.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.

DR. SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not been told!

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

GRANDPA: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability.

SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?

MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.

FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?

IMMANUEL KANT: The chicken was acting out of a sense of duty to cross the road, as chickens have traditionally crossed roads throughout history.

COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?

RICHARD M. NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road. I don't know any chickens. I have never known any chickens.

JANOS von NEUMANN: The chicken is distributed probabilistically on all sides of the road until you observe it on your side.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

DONALD RUMSFELD: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

ANDRE AMPERE: To keep up with current events.

ROBERT BOYLE: She had been under too much pressure at home.

JAMES WATT: It thought it would be a good way to let off steam.

THOMAS EDISON: She thought it would be an illuminating experience.

JEAN FOUCALT: It didn't. The rotation of the earth made it appear to cross.

KARL GAUSS: Because of the magnetic personality of the rooster on the other side.

GUSATV HERTZ: Lately, its been crossing with greater frequency.

GEORG OHM: There was more resistance on this side of the road.

ERWIN SCHRODINGER: Since the wording of the question implies the absence of an observer (else the fowl's motivation might easily be deduced), it is evident that the chicken simultaneously did and did not cross the road. In the face of this, any speculation as to the bird's purpose must be viewed as mere sophistry - and as such is beyond the bounds of this discussion.

JULIUS CAESAR:
It came, it saw, it crossed.

DARWIN:
Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically positioned to cross roads.

NIGER DELTA MILITANTS:
The chicken only crossed to get her share of national cake

WORLD HEALTH ORGANIZATION:
The chicken crossing will further spread Avian Flu to another unprepared country.

NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC: "… and as we watch the lone chicken undertake this hazardous journey, we can only wonder at the awesome nature of this dangerous, yet necessary, migration. …"

THE ROCK (WWF):
If you saw me coming, you'd be crossing the road too!


Adapted from http://stat.fsu.edu/~chicken/webfiles/q.html and a few other sources

A Long Neglected Hobby

It is true that sometimes it is not that we have changed; rather, it is our priorities that have changed.

On a few occasions, I have found some old photos I didn't know were still in my possession. One of those photos showed the front of my house, lush with many varieties of plants in full bloom. Looking at that photo led me down memory lane: I reminisced about the great and not-so-great of some of those days gone by. The bottom line being that I am thankful for the progress made.

Since leaving Nigeria several years ago, I have longed, albeit unrealistically,for a house or apartment with lots of plants and flowers. It wasn't practical considering how we had moved from country to country before permanently relocating to Canada. Here in Canada, a couple of factors still mitigated against the actual realization of that goal. That was until very recently.

This spring, I started growing some plants again. Not much, but I am happy to have started again. Although I acknowledge the therapeutic value of gardening, I have to say that I am not so into elaborate gardening. Indoor plants and some outdoor plants are all it takes to keep me pleased in that area. So I am proud of and happy with what I have.

Here are some of the plants I have grown, mostly from seeds:
















Seeing by Observing



Although I have lived in this awesome country, Canada, for some years, it was through observation yesterday that I again came to an interesting, indisputable conclusion about Canadians. I have interacted with people of different cultures in many countries where I have worked. When I was teaching at the University of Botswana, I thought the people in Gaborone were the nicest, most laid back people it had been my good fortune to meet (and they are). That was until wanderlust(travel bug) had its way and I got moving again. This time, I became a developmental English instructor on  a beautiful South Pacific island. To my happy surprise, on that picturesque island lived the most friendly and laid back people I had met - besides, of course, the people of Botswana. Before I relocated to Canada, I already knew what to expect: Canadians are universally known for being friendly and polite. However, it is a notch better than you would think. The quality of patience in Canadians transcends the usual meaning of the word. I would like to think of it as long suffering, a virtue.


How did I arrive at this conclusion? It is by personal experience and observation. Generally speaking, it is absolutely true that in Canada people are really friendly and polite. The way the public reacts to challenges or difficulties is admirable. Yesterday, I was taking the Greyhound bus from Nanaimo to Victoria. It was my first time at the Nanaimo Ferry Terminal. It was a bit challenging finding my way around; so, I had to take a cab. I got there with sufficient time on my hands. I spent it standing by the rail, enjoying the ocean breeze, and watching speed boats go by. A few minutes before the bus was to leave, I reluctantly walked to the bus stop. There were many people waiting to take the greyhound bus and many of them either just got off the ferry from Vancouver or off another greyhound bus from Kelowna, Prince George, Kamloops, and Hope. They were exhausted. To cut to the chase: bus arrived nearly an hour behind schedule. Standing in the blistering heat and sun, no one complained. Some people sat on the floor. The few comments I heard were good natured. And because no one was complaining, the wait didn't seem so bad. When the bus finally arrived, no one complained or said anything disparaging to the driver. You would think he arrived on schedule. The driver apologized before the journey to Victoria began.

Time and time again, I have noticed how patient people are at bus stops, malls, clinics, etc. Yesterday was an eye opener as to how patient and polite Canadians really are. I could say the same of the people of Botswana, and the Marshalese; even though I never had these experiences in those places.

So, I have been privileged to live among beautiful, friendly, loving, and patient people in different continents: from Africa to the South Pacific to North America. It's indeed a blessing! I am still an island girl and happily so! :)



















What nice discoveries have you made through observing people, the environment, etc?



Summer: beautiful and bountiful. Wishing y'all a fantastic summer!



Inner Harbor


On the H2O Taxi


Can you see The Empress?



The water bus passing by :)

Lovely, eh?


Cool...









the Petting Zoo @ Beacon Hill Park







@ the rodeo



Two new reviews for OCEAN'S DAUGHTER







5 Star *****

This book transports you to a time and place unaffected by the world as we know it. The characters quickly become so special to you making you want to keep reading as the story unfolds. Your emotions come alive with happiness, fear, sorrow, pride and joy. I am not an avid reader and it took me some time but I was driven to follow it to the end and I am so glad I did. I promise you will be happy you chose Ocean's Daughter to spend time with. I was.

http://www.amazon.com/review/R364ZLIASF1H9Y/ref=cm_cr_dp_title?ie=UTF8&ASIN=B00C7TO39G&channel=detail-glance&nodeID=133140011&store=digital-text

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Message inbox:

Lisa R Stoops
Jul 15th, 10:42am
Loved your book! Oceans Daughter was a great example of how we should treat people in circumstances we don't understand! Loved it.



I would like to thank everyone who has supported me by reading my book. An additional shout-out to everyone who wrote a review for OCEAN'S DAUGHTER.

#feelingthrilledblessedhumbledthankful

Blessings to y'all!

OCEAN'S DAUGHTER GETS ANOTHER GREAT REVIEW

My novel, OCEAN'S DAUGHTER gets another four star **** !
I feel truly humbled, excited and blessed!!
https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/886055339?book_show_action=true&page=1


F_50x66
's review
Mar 19, 14


This was a different read for me. It took me a little while to get into it, but by the halfway point, I couldn't put it down. It had a lot of "life lessons" in it about: forgiveness, "letting go and letting God," appreciating the simple things in life as well as the important. I wish the ending had explained a little more, but other than that I really enjoyed this read. Especially loved the character development of Ina.

THE PUBLIC SPEAKING THAT WOWS



Many professional public speakers have admitted that they experience stage fright each time they have to speak in front of a group of people. Part of a speaker's success is the ability to look calm outside while quivering inside. Never let your audience know that you are an anxiety filled balloon that can burst any minute if 'self-help pep talk' lets you down. First impression is important: walk to the stage exuding friendly confidence and you would have won half the battle even before you start speaking. Remember to smile. It is the clincher that enables you establish rapport with your audience.

Remind yourself that the speech is just another opportunity to engage in conversation with a group of people and you are leading it. Your goal could be to tell a story, share some relevant information in order to motivate, encourage, build or bring about some other forms of positive engagement or action. Think of yourself as someone who has something to offer your audience; something to make their lives better. Think of your audience as friends not foes. Subjugate your fears, stand tall, take a deep breath and SMILE.

Additional tips for that wow speech:


✔ Do your research
Take time during your preparation to comprehensively research your topic. Your audience expects you to be an authority in that field; don’t disappoint them. If impromptu, speak about what you already know.

✔ Know your audience

Find out who your audience is: age group, education, beliefs, career, etc. Prepare a speech that fits that particular audience.

✔ Dress code, language, interactive activities and entire speech should reflect an understanding of your audience. Dress to look smart, confident and likeable.

✔ Divide your speech into 3 parts: beginning, middle, and end (Introduction, body and conclusion).

✔ Speak clearly. Pause now and then
As a speaker, you must be audible and clear but don't shout. Don’t make the audience have to strain their ears in order to hear you because your voice is too low, you don’t pronounce words distinctly, or you speak too fast. Calm your nerves. Speak as you would in a conversation. You need to engage your audience from start to finish.

✔ Use notes as reminders.

✔ Personalize your speech. Draw illustrations, stories from your own life. That makes you a believable, knowledgeable and interesting speaker.

✔ Lighten up
Add humour, role play, pictures, get your audience to participate. Use video, PowerPoint and other gadgets to add variety and spice up your speech.

✔ When making impromptu speeches, use the KISS principle (Keep It Short & Simple). You can use the couple of minutes between getting up and starting your speech, to form a plan as you walk slowly and confidently to the front. Be sure to have an opening, middle and conclusion. Smile as you look around and make eye contact with a few people. Breathe. Then start.

✔ Never apologize or say anything that would bring you down a peg in the eyes of your audience. Pause each time you go blank or need to gather your thoughts. Ask for a drink of water or drink from the glass if already provided. Paraphrasing what you had already said could help you organise what next to say. Your audience would probably think you are emphasizing the point. Never put yourself down or seem not to know your subject well.

✔ End your speech with impact. You may conclude your speech with a rehash of the gist of the speech, a memorable quote or compelling question.

✔ Ask for questions, either at the end of the speech or in between sections as appropriate.

✔ If asked a question and you don’t have an answer, throw it back to the audience and lead the interactive discussion that follows.

✔ Thank your audience for their time.

Wishing you every success! Hope to hear from you as you begin to wow your audience!


E-sharing 3 : It is 2014!



I am so thankful to the Almighty God for His faithfulness and mercies!

It is the beginning of the new year! Yes, 2014 is here!

It is a new day. It is a time of new beginnings... fresh starts.

Close the door to those things in your past that weigh you down.

Open the door to the future with hope, excitement and faith.

Take a deep breath, relax, smile ....

Fill up your inner being with great expectations!

Start the new chapter of your life. Hope for a fantastic read!

Have a blessed year!

Ciao :)






WISHING Y'ALL A MERRY CHRISTMAS AND BLESSED NEW YEAR




I just want to say a big "Thank you" to everyone who has been a frequent visitor to my website, Facebook author pages, book pages, and other social media pages. This is wishing y'all a wonderful Christmas and an awesome new year! And make Jesus the centre of Christmas!

From classroom and books to beach and park Pix

As soon as I was done with classes on Friday, we headed for the beach.
So glad we were able to do so before the winter chill set in.

Here are the pictures....











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